MAIL ROOM – EP 1: Hair & TicTacs

MAIL ROOM – EP 1: Hair & TicTacs


Ryan: Let’s open it. [music] [Ryan moans] [cardboard ripping] Matt: Woah.
Ryan: “Can we take poptarts to Auschwitz?” Oh, it’s a bunch of my quotes! And is that a bunch of your quotes? Matt: It’s a bunch of my quotes! Cheers!
Ryan: Dude! This is actually really cool. Matching coffee mugs!
Matt: Nice! Ryan.
Ryan: Yes?
Matt: These products are not safe in the microwave or dishwasher. Ryan: Does that mean hot objects? Like, it doesn’t do well with heat? Matt: Are these safe to- I don’t think they’re safe to drink out of. Dude, let’s just open some letters right now.
Ryan: Yeah- Ew!
[Both exclaim in disgust]
Ryan: Oh- What is that?! Matt: What the fuck?
Ryan: God! That’s weird! STOP! [Ryan yelling]
AH FUCK, EW! Matt: This is- this is what it says. Uh, I can’t read it. Brianna from North Carolina, thanks for the hair. We’re gonna take this home with us and keep it safe. Oh, Ryan, there’s hair sticking outta this one too! Ryan: [In despair] WHY? [Matt makes a noise of disgust] “Here are some hairs. Ok, nice day, bye.” Both: Euuuugh. Ryan: [Yells] AH, FUCK YOU! Matt: I’m gonna go wash my hands real quick.
Ryan: Dispose of that. Ryan: Just open more letters?
Matt: More letters, yeah. Matt: Oh shit- [Laughs]
Ryan: What is that? Matt: It’s a Blockbuster gift card.
Ryan: Yeah!
Matt: Look, it hasn’t even been used! Ryan: We need to find a Blockbuster, see if there’s one somewhere to use it.
Matt: Ryan. There’s not…
Ryan: There’s one Blockbuster still alive! Matt: There’s no Blockbuster.
Ryan: There’s been- there’s seriously! Ryan: Thank you so much.
Matt: Thank you so much, Maddison. Ryan: We can have movie nights. They know how much we love movies. Matt: It’s a Florida postcard, on it says “Hangin’ with the locals!” Matt: Alright, uh. This sounds like it’s got cereal inside.
[Rattling from the box.] Ryan: Wanna do the honors?
Matt: I would love to. Ryan: Don’t stab it.. You cut away from yourself! Matt: Sorry!
Ryan: Wait, is that the rule? Matt: I’m curious as to what’s inside of this. Ohh, my. That’s uh..
Ryan: Minions. Those are Minions TicTacs. Matt: Minions TicTacs and some, uh, black.. dolls? Some black women dolls and Minion TicTacs. Ryan: Shit, fuck.
Matt: Oh.. shit!
[Sound of TicTacs being dropped.] [Sound of an abundance of TicTacs falling.]
Ryan: No! God damn it, Matt! Matt: I like TicTacs.
Ryan: Yeah. Ryan: I can smell my gooch. I guess they’re from Canada? Matt: Fuck you. Ryan: A red Gameboy- Fuck, you’re dropping the shit. Matt: We got- Cause we played Pikmin! Someone made these little Pikmin things. It’s Mario! Aw, yeah, now we’re getting into the good stuff! – Not that the other stuff wasn’t good. Ryan: It was- It was good.
Matt: It was. [Loud ripping] [Ryan “pfft” laughs]
Matt: Whoops. Taylor, I’m sorry I ripped your letter in half. I didn’t mean to. Ryan: I’ll put it back together, I promise. And it’s easy to read! It’s like a puzzle. Matt: Woah!
Ryan: Oh- they have our Grumps heads!
Matt: It’s our Game Grumps heads! From when we were on Game Grumps, that’s so cool. Ryan: From..
Matt: Scotland? Ryan: Ok!
Matt: Scotland. Package from Scotland. Ryan: A butter tablet that’s empty. Scottish candy, I wouldn’t imagine, would be the..
Matt: I didn’t know that Scottish candy was a thing. Ryan: Boy! Oh! BOY! Matt: Another one from Australia! Wow, from all over the world. Let’s uh.. [Feeble grunts from Matt] Ryan: You got it? You need a little help?
Matt: Fuck! Australia makes letters that you can actually open without having to rip them up. Both: Thank you! Ryan: This is royal mail.
Matt: Oh shhwoah. From Glo- Gloucester.
Ryan: From the United Kingdom. So.. Yeah, it’s a coloring book.
Matt: Black people! Both: We love black people! Matt: That’s a gift card to a store we don’t have in America, so thank you so much!
[Ryan chuckles] I don’t know where West Windsor is. Is that New Jersey? It says- I think that’s from New Jersey? I think? Ok! What’s this? Ryan: Does it smell nice?
Matt: Nope. Just smells like someone’s house. Matt: [Weird accent] Oh boy!
Ryan: It’s taped shut. Matt: It’s a lil Pikmin! These are so fucking cool.
Ryan: They got the tadpole down! [Matt laughs]
Ryan: You can’t even see that, but if you can zoom in on that. Matt: Got a little blue guy. Ryan: There’s Matt as a dinosaur.
Matt: I said if you draw me like this I’m gonna block you, so- Ryan: He’s gonna find you and block you. Matt: Someone sent us an email! Thank you!
Ryan: WO- Matt: Last but not least, this thing is heavy! From New Jersey.
[Ryan performs a drum solo] Matt: Open it up, Ryan. Uh, coffee,
Ryan: Oh, nice candle!
Matt: Oh, lemme smell. [click] Ryan: Is this acid? Matt: They just went on their mum’s bookshelf, got some candles..
Ryan: Maybe they want us to read it, I don’t know. Matt: I don’t know how to read, so. Ryan: Thank you to everyone who sent us stuff. Uh, some of the stuff wasn’t shown.. because of editing. Both: Yay, editing! Matt: So anyways, thank you for sending stuff to our PO box! We’ll put it at the end of the video and in the description if you want to send us something for us to open on camera. Uh, again, sorry if we didn’t open yours on camera, you’re gay.

26 comments

  1. Right after Matt throws the hair on Ryan a little less than a minute in, slow the play back down to 1/4 and boom Ryan's hairy ass 🤣 wish I saw this when it came out originally came out.

  2. It has been done, ladies and gentlemen. My beautiful spouse and I, spent long strenuous hours trying to capture the elusive image, that is Ryan Maggee's bare ass. We did it! Gods be praised, and fret not fello Megheads, the legendary is safe on my laptop, and is the desktop backdrop: Where it will stay.

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