Yessss, grow my little seedlings and make papa some moneyyy! Oh hi! Hi! My name is Chris Howard. I may or may not be completely addicted to Stardew Valley. You need life advice, I’m the worst guy to give it, so um… Spicy take here, don’t. Because you ask him out. You gotta grab this and make it happen with your own hands! Seriously, just imagine like your dream scenario , and then chances are, you’re not alone in that so just recreate that. Oh boy! Oooooh. Okay, so it’s gonna be like that. NOPE. Nope nope nope nope- yes I am wearing pajama pants- nope nope nope nope nope- So here’s the thing about age gaps, right? When you’re older, it doesn’t matter nearly as much because the level of maturity is about the same but at that particular age, it’s so disproportionate that not every time, but there’s a much higher chance of it being super creepy when you’re waiting for someone to be of legal age. Especially when they really don’t want you. Nope. Nope! NOPE!
Even my computer agrees. Um. UM. UM- You legit might want to let the cops know about this. I mean I truly do feel a little bit for him, like major depression is no joke, and just having one person to talk to really can make a difference. That being said, that person should not be a minor when you’re 24! You’ve really gotta just cut off ties with this dude one hundred perc- Great. Well that makes things a whole lot more complicated. Because if you ever do end up in a relationship with your crush, I mean it’s going to be unavoidable running into this guy. But I mean, this is legitimately like a safety concern. If he’s waiting- If he’s like, sitting there, counting down the days until you’re no longer a minor, that’s a problem… If your parents have become involved with the situation, and even that’s not enough to dissuade this dude, I mean… I do genuinely think the next step should be like, letting the cops know because this is certified. This is not- nOPE I know I’ve said “nope” a lot, because I can’t make it any more clear. And if they suggest a restraining order, I mean, don’t turn that down. Aw congratulations! That’s awesome. I can confirm, it’s like the best thing ever. I’m sorry? Oh yes I did. Well it wasn’t really then I was saying goodbye to her actually, it’s once I finally turned the corner and couldn’t see her anymore, that’s when it like washed over me like a wave and I legit started blubbering while the immigrations officer was taking my fingerprints and just kept apologizing because I would like take my hand off the machine to wipe the tears from my eyes,vbb and was a blubbering mess. Didn’t film it. And there was really nothing you can tell yourself to make it better, you know? You kinda do just have to feel the feelings that you’re feeling, you know? The one thing that did comfort me slightly though was the thought that I’m gonna see her again, but you said that might not happen? Which I kinda need a little bit more information about? Is it just because you guys are so far apart that like, the cost to come together is intense? I completely understand that. But yeah, I do genuinely thing that if this is meant to be, then kind of by necessity, by definition, you will find a way to be together again. Oh boy. Okay first of all, you are not a failure. You are not a failure. Because the great thing about college is it’s not mandatory- you can jump right back in in the future. You just need to give yourself a little bit of a break. Maybe it’s not right for this particular season of your life! I’ve been there! But that doesn’t affect who you are. You’re gonna be okay! If you need to, take a couple of months, take a year off and really recover mentally to be able to prepare- Now that you know what it’s going to be like, really prepare yourself for it. But you’ve lived your whole life, and you have the whole rest of your life ahead of you! So you’re not a failure because you had a bad two months. And also, the fact that your mother drove voluntarily for two days to get you from college means she loves you. I mean I’m sure she wasn’t exactly thrilled when she picked you up, But she genuinely loves you. You have people around you who support you. You have these friends that you have made
(who I definitely think you should keep in contact with) and I’m sure they’ll be thrilled if or when you do return, this time ready with the knowledge of what this is going to bring. Or maybe this path isn’t actually for you. Like the saying “Man plans and Gd laughs” Maybe your future is in a whole other direction. But you’re not defined as a person by your bad experiences. You’re okay. You’re wonderful. So take as much time as you need to recover and build yourself up, and then stomp that place down. And then, I think if anything, that experience will mean even more to you because you have really overcome your own personal obstacles in addition to the obstacles that the college places on you. It’s gonna be great. This isn’t a step backwards. This is another step forwards on the path of your life. I really sound like my mother talking right now holy cow. This last question’s subject is “VERY IMPORTANT!!!” with not one, not two, but THREE exclamation marks and it is simply, *clear throat* My twitter bio. Okay but seriously unironic finger guns are not just a hand motion, they’re truly a way of life, you know? It’s the way of the bad jokes and the dad jokes which are basically the same thing. Pro tip though, just pointing? Boring. No you gotta fire these guns off with a snap. If you have questions, or just like need life advice, email me at and I will uh, just give you terrible, awful, no good, very bad advice. But it’s for free, SOOOOO- (geez look at that awful cable management) (that’s embarrassing.)